- [Michael] Lula loves her syrup. - [Debbie] You have enough syrup.
[Tim] Mrs. Butterworths isn't a squirt bottle.
It's no big deal. You've had enough.
- Mom, these aren't brown enough. - Do you want me to burn them?
No, but I just want them more brown.
Mikey, Mom's not a short order cook.
Eat up now.
[Natalie] Double knots? We never did double knots.
- [Nick] Sweetie, I can't get it. - Don't use a fork.
No bubbles at the table. Eat your breakfast first.
She's right, you know, my eggs taste like bubbles now.
- Hurry up, honey, you'll be late. - [Tim] All right.
The van needs an inspection sticker. Good luck.
Alrighty.
What's this? Look who's hiding.
Mr. Dino... and another weird stowaway.
Okay, Nathan, no cereal in my thingie.
- Bye, sweetheart. - Bye, honey.
Nathan!
- What's that? - What?
That.
Maple syrup.
Mmm, man! Can you believe that comes from a tree?
Don't taste my pants.
I can't taste your pants?
Ever.
- Ever? - No.
Well, don't spill maple syrup on them.
Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to taste it.
- I like maple syrup. - Not from my pants.
I love it.
How about this: What if you had, like, an inkpad...
only instead of ink, it was soaked in maple syrup.
Or peppermint. Any flavor you wanted.
- And you just open up your little pad. - Right.
And you press your finger on it and then you taste your finger.
Peppermint. Any time of day. Or cherry.
[Tim] Wouldn't the pad get disgusting after awhile?
[Nick] Disgusting how?
I don't know. You keep touching it with your filthy fingers.
Couple of days that flavor pad's like some mattress you find at the dump.
You're right. It's no good.
[knocking]
[Nick] Tim.
- Did you get your performance chart? - Yeah.
Well, look at mine. I don't get it.
Good. Fair. Fair. Good.
Then it falls into the red in the focus department.
Well, you know, Nick, that's because you're a dreamer. You know?
- I'm not a dreamer. - You're not the most focused person.
You're a dreamer.
Yeah. I'm a dreamer?
Hey, you want to feel something? Come here.
Sit in this chair. Come here.
Okay.
Check this out.
Whoa.
- Sit back. - Oh, this is some chair!
- Do you like it? - Yeah.
Feel this.
What is that?
- Lumbar support. - That is good.
- It's made especially for your spine. - I like it.
Comes with the offiice. And the promotion.
- Right. - Thinking of buying a swimming pool?
- What, are you kidding? - I am.
- Thinking bean-shaped. - [grunts]
Expensive. Bean-shaped?
whistling]
Take a look at my performance chart.
Look at your focus. It's way up there. It's in the yellow.
I'm telling you, you get your focus even into the orange, just the orange...
I guarantee you can have a chair like that.
- Really? - And an offiice like this.
And a piano-shaped pool if that's what you want.
It's all there for you. All you got to do is focus.
Just work a little bit harder.
You can get bumped up to sandpaper with me and the world opens up.
You know what, man? You could really sack out in this thing.
I'm telling you, your numbers aren't that bad. It's just focus.
If you put together everything else, you got a really strong thing going on...
[breathing heavily]
Nick. Nick!
[snorting]
- I got to get back to work. - Yeah.
- Good talk. - Yeah, good talk.
- Remember what I said. - Focus.
- Just get into orange. - That's all I need.
Don't even worry about yellow, just orange.
whistle blows]
[Nick] Do you ever just watch your hand?
[Tim] No.
I was just looking at my hand today.
It was like a separate thing.
It was...
picking up papers.
It tapped on my desk. It sat in my lap.
- It's like... - Sorry.
It's like a...
It's like a sidekick.
My little ugly sidekick. It was very odd.
Eww.
- [Nick] Oh, oh! - [Tim] What?
- [Nick] Oh! - [Tim] What?!
[Nick] How about this?
A spray can, see? And you spray it on dog poo...
and the poo disappears.
- Disappears? - Yes!
Where does it go?
Who knows? But the thing is...
you come up with something that gets rid of dog turds,
you are home free, my friend. Home free.
[Debbie sighs]
What?
Nothing.
Liposuction.
You mean, where they suck the fat out?
There's a thing about it in here.
You're fine. You don't need to get fat sucked out.
- If we had a little extra money... - We don't have extra money.
- We have a little. - Not to get fat sucked out.
[phone rings]
Hello?
- Timmy. Timmy, check this out. - What?
You know that invention of mine that makes turds disappear?
[sighing]
I got a name for it.
Vapoorize.
Just like vaporize only you add an "o" so you got "poo" right in the middle.
Yeah, I get it.
Do you see how perfect it is? Maybe even underline the poo.
Va-poo-rize.
- All right. - Vapoorize.
Goodbye.
- Nick? - Mmm-hmm.
- What did he want? - Nothing.
Vapoorize.
[announcer] Next up, ladies and gentlemen, Nathan Vanderpark.
- woman] Go ahead, Nathan. - [Nick] All right.
- [cheering, clapping] - Here we go, Nathan. Here we go.
- woman] Almost. - [Nick] All right.
- Nice try. - [Nick] All right, Nathan, let's...
[Nick] Close one.
Oh! Come... all right.
[Nick] That's enough. Hey!
[Natalie] Almost.
- We'll get them next time, no problem. - [Natalie] Good job.
You know Dimitriov in research?
- Dimitriov? - Yeah.
- Kind of big beard? Kind of strange? - No.
- I told him about my invention. - What invention?
Vapoorize!
Nick, you got a cute name, that's it.
It's not an invention. It's an idea. It's nothing.
Not according to Dimitriov. He thinks I'm really on to something.
# [harmonica, drumming]
- [all] Bravo! - [Natalie] Good stuff.
- [Nick] Good job. - [Natalie] Good stuff.
You know what? I love this tent. There's not one bug.
Guess what?
I went over to Dimitriov's a couple nights ago.
We ran some experiments in his sink.
- He's having a ball with this thing. - What thing?
You didn't tell Debbie about my invention?
No, sorry, I didn't. Go ahead. This is great.
Check it out. It's a spray can, okay?
And you spray it on dog poo...
and the poo disappears.
That is an awesome invention. I mean, we could sure use it.
It's not an invention. It's nothing. I mean, how does it work?
It's a spray can and you spray it on.
- Exactly. - Right?
Yeah, I know. But what makes it disappear?
Things don't just disappear.
I don't know, honey. How does anything work?
How does electricity work? I think it's a great idea.
So do l. I think it's really exciting.
- [Tim laughs] - You're nuts.
Dessert, everybody?
- I'm nuts. I'm crazy. - You're crazy!
Hey, I have an invention. Honey, I have an invention.
It's this button you press and you sprout wings and you can fly.
You can fly into outer space, to the moon, to Jupiter if you like.
[low chattering]
whispering] He's doing so well.
[Tim] He's not doing anything.
- Does he have any lines? - No, honey, he's a tree.
Three months of rehearsal.
Dimitriov wants to know if I want to take it to the next level.
Four thousand bucks. You want to go in with me, 50/50?
[chuckling] I pray to God you're kidding.
- Your invention? - Yeah.
We've been working with dry ice. We've got something amazing.
Nick, forget it.
No, wait a minute. $2,000. We have that in our savings.
[Debbie] Who knows?
Shit doesn't just disappear.
It has to go somewhere.
And it's not an invention, it's an idea. It's a pie in the sky idea.
And I'll tell you, as your best friend...
I think you should just pull out right now.
Don't waste your money. You're gonna regret it.
"It's pie in the sky."
- [screaming] - [gasping]
Where are the kids? What's happening?
Honey?
[Natalie] I have champagne glasses, too.
[Nick] All right!
What's happening?
[Nick] Okay, let me get it for you. I'll do everything.
You just stay there and just relax and get ready for the big stuff.
- [Nick] We got it. - [Natalie giggling]
- Exciting. - Watch this.
[Nick] I'm so glad you guys are here! This is Dimitriov.
- Meet our best friends in the universe. - How do you do?
Give Tim the flash, Big D.
Okay. Here, take it.
[Nick] Goggles.
Shine it right on her, buddy boy.
"Her"?
whooping, screaming]
[cheering continues]
- You told me it would work and it did! - [Natalie] Did you see that?!
[Nick] It works. It works like a charm.
Did you guys see that?
[Nick] Get a camera. There's nothing to shoot!
Spray some on my butt because I shat my pants. Yeah!
We are going to be so rich, Dimitriov!
[Nick] Vapoorize!
[Natalie] God, we are going to be so rich!
No matter what kind of dog you have, let's face it,
they all gotta do their "business."
Vapoorize!
That's right!
[Nick] One spray: Problem solved.
Is this some kind of video trick?
No.
It's the miracle spray. One spray and doggy doo disappears.
No fuss, no muss, no tools, no robot arm...
"How do I work it? I don't know!"
- Too good to be true? - No!
Vapoorize: Because life is tough enough.
[announcer] Now at stores everywhere.
# [piano, offbeat drumming]
[cheering]
[speaking in Spanish]
Now's a good time to break the big news.
I have decided to run for Congress.
Congress.
No, I'm serious.
Yeah. I mean, not the big Congress, of course, the little one.
- "The little one." - "The little one?"
Yeah. Actually, it might be the state senate. I can't remember.
Anyway, I'm super excited...
because we are so lucky...
and we have so, so, so much.
And I feel like we should give something back.
So, I've decided I'm going to run for Congress
or state senate or whatever.
And my main platform...
is going to be...
the environment.
State senate.
Environment, like the whole environment?
Yeah. I believe in all environments and I'm going to say it.
And now for dessert.
Flan!
- Flan! Oh, boy! - Whoo!
- Come on, kids, flan time! - Get down here, the flan's here!
[Natalie] Flan, kids! Flan!
I love flan. Do you?
What is flan?
My God, you're in for such a treat.
- You don't know flan? - Eat your flan, buddy. Kids, flan!
- Guys, flan's on the table! - Flan!
Flan! Flan!
Flan! Yay, flan! Flan!
What's flan?
"Jasper and Amos shine the flashlight into the hole.
"Staring up at them, tied and gagged, was Louie the Grouch."
It's getting exciting, isn't it?
Boy, that flan was good.
I wish we had flan.
Dad?
Yeah?
Why are we getting the little, itty-bitty pool?
It's not a little itty-bitty.
The square one's little itty-bitty. We're getting the bean-shaped model.
A little itty-bitty bean.
It's not a little, itty-bitty bean. It's an average-sized bean, Mikey.
And I got news for you.
There are kids in the world who'd walk 50 miles through quicksand
just to stick a toe in your pool.
And I got news for you about beans too.
Some kids'd eat beans because they've had nothing to eat their whole life,
but leaves and bark and roots.
And I guarantee you, none of them has ever heard of your big, show-off flan,
or flan or whatever you want to call it that you got to have every night.
Two thousand dollars. That's all it would've taken.
- It's okay, honey. - Dad's just having a meltdown.
Good night. Sleep tight.
- I don't like English muffiins. - Eat your cereal.
- Try different breakfast foods. - I like pancakes.
- Tomorrow we'll have pancakes. - Fine.
I don't want any more cereal.
Eat up, otherwise you don't get to play with Corky, okay?
- What? - Nothing.
Why are you always asking "what"?
- I'm not always asking "what." - Yes, you are.
It's true, Dad, you are.
Well, because I know there's something.
- And you know exactly what it is. - Then why do you always say "nothing"?
- Corky! - [Debbie] Hold Lula's hand, honey.
[Tim groans]
- [Mikey] Corky! - [nickering]
So beautiful.
[Mikey] Such a great horse, Corky.
[Mikey] Who's a good boy?
Corky's a sweet and gentle horse and me and the kids love him.
Corky happens to shit the size of a breadbasket
in our yard every day when he comes to visit.
What are you doing?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
I'm just throwing away some more completely useless inventions.
For chrissakes, Debbie, light? Light?! Come on!
Come on! This was shit.
You think Edison would've looked up from his workbench at some shit spray?
Yes. Yes, I do.
Because, you see, a good invention is a good invention!
I got news for you, sister. Edison ain't looking up.
Sister. Sister?!
I'm calling you sister.
You should be so lucky to be my sister.
She knows what she's talking about.
Windtalker, or whatever her name is.
- Do not call her that. It's Windsong. - Windsong. My mistake. Windsong.
Knockety, knockety. A-knock, knock, knock.
How's everybody doing?
What a day, right?
My God! Can you believe the coffee that makes?
I knew you'd love it. Let's go, tiger.
[gasping, cooing]
Look who's here, will you please?
Look who's here. It's okay, poopie.
Have you been stealing apples again, you little rascal?
Listen, and I want you to be honest, has Corky become a nuisance?
- No. - Not one bit.
Natalie says, "Keep the corral closed."
But Corky's so crazy about your apples, I don't know what to do.
No more apples for you. No more apples...
I can't stop him. He loves your apples. Are you sure he's not a problem?
- Positive. - You guys are so fantastic.
Well, my buddy boy, let's go shoot us some golf.
I got something for you. I'll be right back.
- Nick, no. Please. - Yes. You'll love it.
You don't have to get me anything else.
[Nick] When I hit it big,
everyone said I should buy a house in Beverly Hills, Bel Air or Malibu.
"Why you spending money on a mansion in the Valley?"
But I love my neighborhood, and being across the street from my best friend.
Do you see how it moves in the wind? That's what I love.
It flaps different than cheaper fabric. Do you notice that?
- Yeah. - And it makes you feel better.
Nice fabric makes you feel better! It's mind-blowing, isn't it?
Nick, you buy us too much.
Too much?! You're my best friend. Nice things make life nicer.
All right, let's take another look at that follow-through.
I want the head down.
That is nice, Nicky.
- Right? - Very nice.
God Almighty, Mr. Dingman.
Nick? Can I talk to you for a second?
Just take a second.
Can't it just be us? You and me playing golf?
It's just, this is costing a fortune.
Cut it out with this money thing. It means nothing to me.
Let's just enjoy it.
Why can't you come with us?
Because Daddy has to go to work.
You'll have a great time at Aunt Nancy's.
Aunt Windsong, and you know that.
It's Aunt Windsong now.
Honey, you don't have to do this. Really. Why do this?
Because I have to do this. We have to do this.
Something has to change.
I can't look at you, I can't look across the street.
I'm running out of places to look.
whispering] The pool people come tomorrow.
[Nathan] Just wait and see this, Dad.
whooping]
Whoa! You the man.
- [Nick] You're the man. - Yeah!
[tires squeal]
# [Envy reprise]
Hey, Timmy, check this out!
Yeah!
Yah! Yah!
[high-pitched whinny]
Yah!
[man] Mr. Dingman!
Mr. Parmenter wants to see you! Section 1 1!
You wanted to see me?
[shouting] You all right?
What?
[shouting] You seem distracted!
- What? - Come on!
[Parmenter] Your performance chart's pretty good until here.
And then your focus nosedives into the red.
You see?
Now, is there anything that happened around here...
you might like to talk about?
No.
- You sure? - Yeah. No.
Any reason?
Reason? No, I can't think of...
Any reason at all?
No. No reason. No. I mean, nothing I can think of.
I mean...
you know, other than every day I get into my little shit-box car
and there he is, with the wind in his hair...
on his great big shiny horse.
And I drive off to do what? To make sandpaper.
To make paper with sand on it.
I'd love to see you try to turn your weasely little mouth into a fake smile,
day after day after day...
while waving toodly-fucking-do to your best friend,
who's rearing up on a big white horse like he's the Lone Ranger.
Then I'd like to see your performance chart,
you beady-eyed little shrimp-boat bastard!
[voice cracks] Is that a reason?
I mean, is that a reason?
# [Envy reprise]
Hi.
I don't really drink, but my family just left me
and I got fired and I want a drink.
So, if you could just give me whatever you'd have if you wanted to drink.
Please.
[man] Harsh.
Abandoned.
Fired.
It's harsh, man.
Know what the best job I ever got fired from was?
Pretzel kiosk.
Afternoon shift. Just loved it, don't know why, just did.
Could be the apron, who the hell knows?
Or maybe the feeling of power you get when there's a crowd.
One hand rolls dough, ties those babies off.
The other hand maybe works the soda, refills the mustard. It's quite a thing.
I'll tell you a secret.
If a pretzel is a quality pretzel, you don't need salt.
It's just a fact.
[man] How come?
Your family up and blew out of town on you?
Thank you, but I don't really feel like talking about it right now.
- Thank you. - Okay.
So, how come you got canned?
It's a whole different topic.
I just blew up.
Good for you, man. Good for you. Good for you.
- Who at? - I blew up at my boss.
Right on, brother. I hear you.
Man, I hear you!
What'd you go and blow up at your boss for?
You know, it's like a long, complicated story.
Well, that is sensational. I'm the J-Man, by the way.
- Tim. - Tim.
Ike.
Another round, please.
Something fruity for me and my friend, Tim.
On the J-Man.
Okay, Tim...
just let it tumble out like circus freaks, man.
I'm here for you.
The J-Man is zeroed in, okay?
Go.
Well, I have this friend. He's my best friend.
I love the guy. I mean, it's like we're, you know...
Our families do everything together.
- Used to go to work together every day. - Keep it coming.
And he'd have these stupid...
He'd have these stupid ideas.
Open your heart. Open your heart.
Where does it come from?
Shit.
It's all from shit.
You know who you are? You're like that guy...
Che, Che something.
- "Che something"? - Up with the people. People power.
Or the kid that stole a chicken with the golden eggs.
What a fantastic chicken.
Who's for the giant? Nobody. You hear what I'm saying.
You're the hero.
Forget Che! You're like Robin Hood.
- Robin Hood? Really? - Listen to me.
Listen to me. Life's unfair. It's a raw deal planet, Jack.
You, my little dumbbell friend, are Mr. Everyman
and you don't even know it, which makes you like the grand turbo Mr. Everyman.
Honestly?
Come on.
You're like a great big dimwit. You know that. Fantastic.
Everyman Dimwit.
That stinking family across the street. Who wouldn't feel like you?
I like you. I'm glad I came in here.
You know that?
Ringlets! Give me a break. Let me tell you a little story.
When I was maybe 1 0,
there was this kid across the street, Ernie "Nice Kid."
Ernie had everything. Only kid around with a BB gun, okay?
So one night I see the whole family drive off.
What'd I do? I sneak across the street and find the BB gun.
I squeeze off maybe five, ten pot shots at the windows...
Hello. In my house.
- In your house? - Yes, you got...
You squoze off to your house?
You got it. Next morning my old man gets up,
sees all these little BB holes in our windows.
He marches across the street, bangs on the door and Tim,
my little bozo friend,
things changed big time over there in Ernieville.
That's what you got to do!
- What? - Shake things up.
Over there, man. Shake them up.
Make them think of something besides the temperature in that candy-ass pool.
- Shit, what time is it? - What kind of question is that?
I got to get back! They can't build the pool!
Ike, cab...
on the J-Man.
- [Vanderparks cheering, clapping] - [Natalie] Come on!
Excuse me!
whooping, laughter]
Sir! Sir!
You have to stop, please.
[Natalie] Here they come!
- Whoo! - Hi, Mom!
Digging, no. We can't pay for the pool.
We don't... we can't pay for the pool.
No, no. Stop! Sir! No mas!
- Sir, I'll talk to the offiice. - [in Spanish]
Good afternoon, Mr. Tim.
- Hi. - You look really, really wonderful.
And here is something from your great friends across the street
while your wonderful family is away.
[Natalie, kids cheering]
"Thought you might enjoy a taste from our newly acquired vineyard."
# [Envy reprise]
[J-Man] You got to shake things up. Over there, man. Shake them up.
Carousel of dreams.
Casa Corky.
Incredible.
Incredible hedge work.
[J-Man] You got to shake things up.
Over there, man. Shake them up.
Shake things up. Shake them up.
[high-pitched whinny, thudding]
Huh?
Corky.
My God. How is this possible?
How could a little arrow kill a big horse?
Come on, Corky. Corky, come on, come on.
It's just a little arrow. Come on, Corky.
Giddy up, boy.
Corky. Giddy up. Giddy up.
Corky.
Okay, Corky.
Come on, boy. One, two.
Come on.
Shit.
Shit. God.
Come on, Corky.
[yelling]
[J-Man] Hey.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
Car return. How's that for service?
I'd probably still be driving a limo if it wasn't for the hat.
Hats.
Hats make my head itch.
- What time is it? - You got a time hang-up, don't you?
Oh, God.
- Look at me. - I was thinking the same thing.
You are one big stinking pig, Tim.
- How'd you get my keys? - Keys?
The J-Man don't usually need keys, my little dumbbell pal.
So, that's the place?
Look at it. All from shit? I see what you mean.
I don't even live here and that place is pulling my testicles up.
I mean, literally, they're actually coming up.
You ever get that?
I killed his horse.
- What? - I killed his horse.
That story you were telling about shaking things up...
I went over there and I shot this bow and arrow,
and I shot at my house and I hit his horse.
He was eating apples in my yard.
There was a hole because we were going to have a pool and I buried him in it.
- Well, now. - [Lula] Daddy! We're home!
No!
It's my family.
- Hide! - Hide?
Hide! Hide.
- Hide? Can't I just mosey off? - No! Don't mosey off.
No, you can't mosey off. They'll see you!
- So? - So? So, what are you doing here?
Who are you? You're some guy from a bar.
What's wrong with...? I'm the J-Man, bringing your car back.
Daddy!
- Hey, tiger! - Daddy!
- Hey, peanut. - We all really missed you.
You look terrible. Honey, one question.
What is at the heart of everything? What I'm asking you is:
What is at the heart of the heart of the heart of the heart?
Do you know what the answer is? Self-love.
Windsong told me that I have been hating myself for resenting you.
And you've been resenting yourself for passing up on a big opportunity.
What we need to do is we need to focus on what we have.
[screaming]
Hey! Oh, hey!
This is... This guy...
Honey...
this is... This man is the man...
who was in the bathroom. I didn't tell you.
Honey... something happened while you were gone, something bad.
What?
I'll take it from here, Tim.
Mrs. Dingman...
I'm Elmo Carp, pool rep.
Your husband and I were up here discussing your swimming pool options.
- Swimming pool options? - Yes.
You see, we dug it, we had to fill it back in.
We're sorry as heck. Where do we go from here?
That's the point we were at when you barged in.
I don't understand. Fill it back in?
So you mean we're not getting a pool?
No, sonny boy, I'm afraid not. Too many gosh darn pipes.
- Pipes? - Yes.
Underground pipes in your yard,
but I've intruded enough on your little family reunion here.
I'll be on my way.
And thanks for filthying up your clothes,
helping me fill in the big hole, Tim.
Ma'am, your husband's got the back of a coal miner.
I know because I've mined coal. See you.
Something's happened to Corky.
- What? - [kids] Corky?
- Have you seen Corky? - I haven't seen Corky.
- Corky's gone? - Have you seen Corky?
- I have not seen Corky. - That's what I mean.
We've been looking and looking. Where could he be?
- A great big horse, where? - Nick, a horse can't just disappear.
- He's got to be somewhere. - Yeah, but where?
Where? Where? The kids are a mess.
Wish me luck.
Corky!
[Nick] Corky, come on!
Good afternoon. My name is Natalie Vanderpark.
I'm running for state senate in your district.
So I thought l'd canvass the neighborhood
and introduce myself to everyone.
[man] Who it is, Mable?
It's that woman running for state senate, Carl.
The shit lady? No way. We're going with Shaunessey.
Your opponent Shaunessey,
he asked a good question on the radio this morning.
And what question was that?
Well, didn't your husband get loaded making turds disappear?
My husband invented Vapoorize, if that's what you're referring to.
That's what Shaunessey was talking about.
Where do all them turds go? I mean, they got to be somewhere.
First they're here, then they're not here,
and then they disappear.
Where does the turd go to? Really, tell me now.
# [Envy reprise]
So long, everybody.
- Bye, have a good day at work. - Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, honey. - Good luck at the salt mines, Dad.
Where am I going?
Wait. Timmy, wait!
Wait! God.
Timmy, I can't find him.
I've been looking all night and he's nowhere.
I know he's just a horse, but...
Corky.
Corky! Where are you, my Corky boy?
[hysterical crying]
God, look at me. This is crazy.
Will you pass these out down at 3M for me?
I found some grooming hairs in his tail brush.
wailing] My God.
- $50,000? - [yelling] It's pennies!
It's pennies. Who cares? Corky's my pal.
He's my pal and I'd pay $50,000 to find you if you were lost, wouldn't l?
- Yeah. - Wouldn't l?!
- Okay. - weeping uncontrollably]
All right. It's going to be okay.
# [Envy reprise]
Are you insane?
That is the most selfish thing I ever heard in my life.
The guy loves you, man. You'd be killing your best friend.
You killed his horse, right? You killed his horse.
Now you want to tell him? You tell him.
What about this? We move the horse someplace else.
I find it, I get the reward. I'm bending over backwards here.
How do we move a horse?
We dig him up. We haul him off.
No, I mean... without anybody seeing us.
You ever hear of night?
What about the noise? My family's right there.
I don't want them to...
You don't move the horse, I do,
while you and your family are enjoying nature,
down at my cabin on the lake.
- You have a cabin on the lake? - What?
You think I didn't have a childhood?
Bunk beds, hiking trails, hooty owls.
You can move a horse by yourself?
For 50 grand.
But I will say this:
Knowing what I happen to know about things buried,
the sooner the better.
- [Tim] Hey, Deb? - [Debbie] Mmm-hmm?
How'd you like to go to a nice cabin on a lake?
- Cabin on a lake? - Yeah.
This guy at work offered his cabin. It's supposed to be really nice.
- Who at work offered you this? - Jackameyer.
Jack... Jack Jackameyer.
[Tim] It's an hour from here and it has all sorts of wildlife...
and hooty owls and stuff.
[Tim] Hiking trails.
[protestors] Where does the shit go? We want to know!
Where does the shit go? We want to know!
[chanting continues]
Pretty incredible, huh?
Whoa! Watch out. It's okay.
What a spot.
What do you mean, "what a spot"? I mean, where...
He said it's just down at the end of the private driveway.
What private driveway? This isn't a private driveway.
This is pretty private, honey. I mean, this is great.
T alk about secluded.
We've walked, like, a mile.
It's not a mile, honey. It seems longer because it's so beautiful.
Tim!
- [Lula] Mommy, where's Daddy? - I don't know, honey.
- [Mikey] I'm thirsty. - Okay.
- [Debbie] Tim! - Whoo! I found it!
It's a little sloping incline down to the...
[yelling, grunting]
This is it?
[Tim] You bet this is it.
This is... This is wild, huh, kids?
Kind of like a... Like an old gingerbread house in the woods.
Where's the lake?
I'll tell you what. Why don't we check out the bunkhouse, okay?
And then you guys can have a contest to see who finds the lake first, all right?
Winner gets 50 cents. 50 cents. Come on.
Let's check it out.
Okay. Weird smell.
Let's hold our noses. Come on.
It's okay, Mikey, come on in.
[all screaming]
- My God. - [Tim] It's okay.
Just a little critter. Just...
Don't touch it. He's dead.
Under no circumstances is this a lake.